She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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