p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
