my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
