There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
