I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
