I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
