You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
