So drunk its hurt
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
