Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
