i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I supernannyed him into submission
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
