It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize