Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
look no pants
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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