I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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