i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
