I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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