So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize