Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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