Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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