dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
