How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize