she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
