when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
