My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize