he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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