Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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