Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
