I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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