is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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