Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
