i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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