Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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