Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
