I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
