even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
