hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
