I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
