I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
