i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
