WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize