Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
