haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
