Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
