glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
