i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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