I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
