you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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