i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
