just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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