so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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