So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
as a side note pls kill me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
