Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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