She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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