Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
