In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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