So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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