According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
