I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
