What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
