I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
