I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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