So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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