he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
