What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
