Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
