dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize