I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
