i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
as a side note pls kill me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
