If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
