I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Someone shit on the floor
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
